By Baeth Davis, Your Prosperity Purpose Mentor

“What’s left undone is your kingdom come … bring it on.” – Seal

Okay, Bette Boo [my ridiculous college nickname - a combo of "Bette Davis" and "Betty Boop"] is ready to rumble and rant about the meaningless ramblings and incoherent blather that often masquerades as communication. (My respected friend and colleague,Suzanne Evans, is having a powerful influence on me – heck she’s been looking down on my articles now for three weeks running – see above. I am taking a lesson from her in just laying it flat out straight. Take it or leave it.)

Sucky Communication Strategy #1: Do You Ever Just Shut Up?

You don’t freaking listen! In 90% of all conversations I encounter, one person is just babbling about the same thing they babbled about last time you spoke with them and there is no discernable GROWTH or LEARNING in their words.

On top of it, think about how rarely someone starts off the conversation with, “You know, I am so sick of my same old stories. Why don’t you tell me about your day?” Like hardly ever, right?

And if you do happen upon this rare experience, don’t waste your polite listener’s time with your own rehashing. Be original. Say what you mean, show how you feel, shed a tear, laugh hard, give all of yourself. You’ve got nothing to lose but your tightly guarded and transparent “image.” Give it up. No one cares. Not even me. Then after you’ve concisely and honestly expressed yourself, say something like, “Well, enough about me, tell me what you discovered today. I’m curious.”

Communication Upgrade

For one week, commit to speaking second (or third!) in EVERY conversation.Seek first to understand before being understood. Lose your fascination with the sound of your own babbling brook of a voice. And if you are the person who always goes second or gets passed over in group exercises, you have the opposite assignment. Speak up first and reveal something personal about yourself.

Sucky Communication Strategy #2: You Respond Inappropriately Or, Worse, Not At All To Her Good News

Your best friend is sharing about her big business breakthrough. She finally launched that new web site – and it’s actually functional. On top of it, her boyfriend asked her for her hand in marriage and she said “yes.” Life is g-o-o-d!

Your response. “Uh huh, congrats.” Or nothing. No response at all. Just a look. What? Are you kidding me? Did you even HEAR what she said? Or maybe you just change the subject with something like, “Did you hear that Bob is back in the hospital to have another cataract removed?” You need a cataract removed – from your ears. Oh, don’t get all sensitive now. We are well into this rant. Sure, I’m super sensitive, too, but even I can admit I’m guilty of every one of these communication blunders on more than one occasion.

Why? The success of others can be hard to take in sometimes. Not always – remember, our communication is sucky just sometimes. But if their success directly hits up against your failure, loss or recent disappointment, it can be a struggle to be fully present – and tender, to yourself and others.

Communication Upgrade

Always celebrate the success of others, knowing that if they are having success, your graciousness about it expands the capacity for you to receive the good graces of others. Celebrating others also makes your own success easier to accept, rather than sabotage. It’s hard to receive what we have trouble giving.

Let’s take it even further. I’ve dated several men in my life who felt: a) if they told me I was pretty or sexy, it would go to my head and make me conceited; b) apologizing was a sign of weakness – if you admit you are wrong about ONE thing, oh crap, you might be wrong about everything and then what?; c) compliments were flattery and that I must want something in return, followed either by squirming, blushing or anger.

These are not uncommon responses, nor are men the only ones who respond to the success of others inappropriately. I know women who: a) criticize other women – behind their backs obviously – for being “too pretty,” “too smart,” “too anything;” b) tear other women down who are successful implementers because they can’t get off their ass and implement anything – signing their name with a thumbprint becomes a debate about which thumbprint ink in which color to buy on which day of the week; c) are polite in groups but snakes when they corner you one-on-one and rip your self-esteem to shreds, either by implicating others are talking about you OR flat out telling you that you’re an idiot. Mmmmm, can you just feel the warm and fuzzies? Cut it out. Either shut up and listen or celebrate another.

Sucky Communication Strategy #3: Just Say It Already

Okay, so you are getting better at listening, asking thoughtful questions and acknowledging the success of others. But there is more. Half the time, I swear to Goddess, I have no idea what the other person is talking about. Seriously. I’m thinking, “What in hell is this person trying to say? I have no clue.” They may be speaking English (my native tongue) but it could just as well be French or Russian. No clue. Absolutely stumped. They are rambling, they are contradicting, they are no friend to logic. No clue.

And then I say, “Hey, what are you really trying to say? Lay it on me, I can take it.” And then the other person says something like:

• “Okay, but don’t get mad.”
• “No, never mind. It’s not that important.”
• “Let’s wait a little longer. We can talk about it Friday.”
• “What? Are you stupid? Obviously, you’re not listening to me.”

Are you LOL now? I hope so. Because I’m cracking myself up over here typing this out. It’s fun to be bratty while discussing sucky communication snafus.

After the dolt response to my very – VERY – clear question, I say, “No, really, I mean it. I have no clue what the hell you are trying to say. Just say it, please, or I’m going to get a taco.” And that always does it – because the other person really wants a taco, too.

Then it just comes spilling out… “What I’m trying to say is I’m really scared I boned the presentation today and my biggest client is going to fire me.” Well, now, was that really so hard? They continue, “Oh, it feels so good to just admit my fears. Whew. Thanks for listening. Now, where’s that taco stand?”

Communication Upgrade

In most instances, if you are incoherent, you are: a) drunk; b) high; c) sick; or d) afraid of negative consequences for speaking your truth. As a crazy neighbor – I’m talking capital “C” crazy neighbor – once told me - “You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.”I laugh now because I had to tell this neighbor to stop dropping by unannounced early on Sunday mornings and they told me I was a “selfish” person. Never know where the gems will come from!

Remember, communication is both speaking and listening – and SO SO much more. Give it a go!

Where This Data Shows Up In Your Hands

Your little finger and the area beneath it on your palms is the “mercury” zone. Mercury, the “Mercurial” God, was quick as lightning, changing, alchemical. He ruled over communication, commerce, and trickery.

The tip of your little finger represents abstract communication: brainstorming, channeling, spiritual insight. The middle zone represents day-to-day communication: negotiating, selling, writing thank-you notes, etc. The lower zone represents physical communication: body language, hand holding, non-sexual and sexual touch.

As you move into the palm in the Mercury zone, you find the intimacy zone at the heart line, the “eureka” zone of ideas at the head line and the shamanic zone by the wrist. The shamanic zone, also known as the “moon,” represents the communication of imagination, illusion, dreams, intuition, insight, instinct and primitive reproductive drives.

Communication moves from the most light, wispy, intangible to the guts and the bowels, tactile, physical, merging. How deep will you go?

Mentor’s Challenge: You know there is something you want/need/must say to someone.Will you say it? I dare you to say it TODAY. Do it now. Bring it on!