My world-class business manager, Cindy Gallo

So, would you like a business manager that anticipates your needs? Organizes your office (and your life)? Can manage web sites, online shopping carts and lots of customer inquiries? A business manager who creates so much business, that you have to start paying her commission as an act of appreciation? Oh, yeah, EVERYONE needs a Cindy!!!

Since we’re not hiring out ‘our Cindy,’ I’m going to share with you EXACTLY how we attracted Cindy into our business and how you can do the same.

First, Mark, my husband, and I sat down and discussed our ideal business manager. We listed his/her qualities.

Then Mark crafted a job posting to put on www.craigslist.com.

Here’s how the listing read (feel free to ‘swipe’ and modify for your Self!):

Craig’s List Help Wanted

Husband-and-wife-entrepreneur team seeks personal admin assistant that is motivated, reliable, responsible and organized and that wants to excel in their own life and is looking for a long-term commitment. Our business is growing rapidly and this is an excellent opportunity for growth in pay, responsibility and additional commission-based income above hourly rate (or salary).

Our business consists of Dan Kennedy-style online and offline information marketing with related workshops (in town and in other states) and public speaking engagements. We are also real estate investors, so an understanding of real estate paperwork requirements would be helpful.

Knowledge of 1ShoppingCart (or other similar shopping cart software), autoresponder setup and delivery, email marketing, ezine delivery and shopping cart data base management will greatly affect pay rate, as will a basic knowledge of website programming.

Great opportunity for rapid advancement in pay and responsibility with commission opportunities for up-selling products to existing customers. Some travel is essential for help with our out-of-town workshops and speaking engagements where you will be our personal assistant (all travel and expenses paid).

This is a positive, energetic and FUN business and we are looking for someone with a personality to match. You will work with us at our home (moving soon, location not yet determined). You will also work virtually with other team members in other states and some work from your home is also possible.

Must have your own car and be willing to do errands around town such as make deposits, pick up office supplies and mail, etc.

ESSENTIAL requirements:

Good communication skills and a cheerful disposition
Have own laptop computer with relatively current software
Typing and word processing ability
Understanding of Microsoft Outlook or similar
Understanding of database management
Understanding of Power Point and Excel spreadsheet setup
Faxing, filing, answering phones
Dealing with customer service issues
Scheduling appointments
Mailing out customer kits

$_____ to $_____/hr to start, with opportunity to advance rapidly to FT salary w/benefits

We then received nearly 50 resumes!

We dumped all the ones that were unrelated to our requests or had typos.

I then found Cindy’s resume and thought, “This woman is PERFECT!” BUT it said she lived in San Diego. Hmmmm… we live in Tucson. Mark called her and found out she was moving back to Tucson after being away for a while. Lucky us!

Now here’s the kicker: Cindy was the ONLY person we interviewed. We liked her and hired her immediately with a 90-day probationary period as a 1099 contractor. She sailed through with flying colors and then we hired her as a salaried employee. Our bookkeeper handles the tax payments and paychecks for our employees.

Now Cindy needs her own assistant! So we’ve put her in charge of hiring someone to help her, using the same process.

However, we improved the process to make it simpler, by adding this instruction as a ‘test’ to the job posting:

“If you would like to be considered for the position, please send a typo-free cover letter and resume. Let us know why you think you are perfect for this position in your cover letter. Send both documents via FEDEX to this address: The Hand Analyst, Inc., 7320 N. La Cholla Blvd., Suite 154-515, Tucson, AZ 85741 by this date____________. No emailed resumes or phone calls accepted.”

That request weeds out all the looky-loos and brings you only seriously invested candidates for your job opening.

Here’s to your success finding ‘your Cindy’ because “everyone needs a Cindy!”

This is what I’ve come to understand, for myself, about belief. Since you can believe whatever you want, why not foster beliefs that honor your Highest Self? Why not cultivate thinking that says “yes” with curiosity rather than shutting something out because you can’t make it fit inside your worldview?

I’ll give you an example. Recently, I had dinner with some new acquaintances. We were discussing what to charge in our businesses. One of the women, a passionate yoga instructor, bristled when I suggested that her financial pinch was likely due to undercharging, and in many instances, giving her work away for free or nearly free.

She began defending her pricing, explaining to me that the economy, the neighborhood her business is located in and the clients themselves simply couldn’t sustain higher prices. Her voice grew tight and angry.

Bunk.

What she was really defending was her desire to stay small and safe in the world she knew.

To find more desirable clients willing to pay more desirable prices, she would have to drop the external explanations for her financial challenges and expand internally into a new concept of herself.

In other words, this talented teacher and healer needed to find the inner KNOWING of her own value and worth, then be open to receiving its reflection back to her in the form of ideal clients, more money and more joy.

Her financial expansion actually depends on her capacity to expand her awareness of her profound and needed value in the world.

At some point, most of us come to the realization that our beliefs either expand our consciousness (and opportunities!) or contract our soul to the point of alienation, stagnation, boredom, apathy, frustration, even rage or depression.

In my late 20s, I had to reach the point of questioning the usefulness of my own life – and damaging my health, relationships and self-esteem in the process – to realize that I had to make a radical shift in my thinking, in my conscious awareness, in order to get out of my self-imposed (and frankly, self-indulgent) exile.

I resorted to prayer and asked, “God, Universe, Higher Power – whatever is out there – if you show me my Life’s Purpose, I will forever be your humble servant.”

Two weeks later, a young woman named Terry-Linn showed up at my door and explained, via my palms, that my Life Purpose is to be a “Successful Spiritual Teacher and Business Owner with a Special Message for the Masses.” Um, okay.

I didn’t stop crying for about a month after that session. But I decided to ‘believe’ this concept about myself and my purpose on the planet. What IF what she told me was true? What could it hurt to believe it? My own self-concept wasn’t getting me any traction forward.

My life began to change in subtle and dramatic ways. Subtle: I started eating better, my chronic bronchitis cleared up, the negative ‘friends’ dropped away. Dramatic: I quit my job, got a business loan, started a business, took a road trip called “Hands of America” that funded my travels around the U.S. and was actually making a good living doing something I LOVED – reading hands.

I found wonderful friends, had amazing adventures traveling to new places and discovered something that had once been a foreign concept to me – I was okay. Could it be that the magnificence of the Universe lived in every cell of my body? Could it be that I was expanding like the Universe, coming to know myself through education, experience and ecstatic creative expression?

YES. My belief system had changed and I was completely transformed with it.

I’ve since come to ‘believe’ that negative thinking is not of the Universe. It is a natural consequence of nature wanting to protect our precious flesh-and-blood body, but beyond that, is unnecessary. I’d go so far to say, that today (it could change tomorrow – when I discover something else!) I believe that our TRUE LIFE PURPOSE is to love, enjoy and create in order to fulfill the Universe’s desire to expand through our expanding consciousness.

As YOU expand your self-concept, you literally shift the consciousness of the Universe. How cool is that? Now THAT is a belief I can get behind.

So, today, I leave you with this:

YOU are gorgeous and blessed. You’ve been given the perfect physical body, mind and spirit to create exactly what you came here to create. And what you came here to create is exactly – and ONLY – what YOU WANT TO CREATE. You have the total power to DECIDE. You have the total power to BE. ONLY YOU. The entire Universe lives inside you. As you see and declare you own magnificence and worthiness, never again will you question your right to be joyful, blissful and expressed. You are here now to learn, love, and most of all, live it, live it ALL, full out, no excuses! What are you waiting for? BE, DO and HAVE what you really, really, really want right now.

Why?

I want my consciousness to keep expanding! I thank you for loving yourself. And so does the Universe.

Bring your Life Purpose and Life Lesson questions to our NEXT Life Purpose Master Mind TeleClass on Thursday, September 23rd at 5 PM Pacific. For NEW MEMBERS ONLY, the first month is FREE and the new investment is $19.97 a month thereafter. GO HERE to get onboard. Our BRAND NEW Life Purpose Master Mind site will be up shortly! Join the hundreds of members who are committed to living their Life Purpose FULL OUT in 2010 and BEYOND!

What does this mean?

Well, your Life School is the foundation of your ‘magic purpose pyramid:’

Your Life School foundation is where you learn through trial and error the necessary skills to navigate the potholes, gremlins, and creepy crawlies at level two of the pyramid: Your Life Lesson. Your Life Lesson is your shadow, your nemesis, your ‘I just can’t get rid of it’ issue.

AND your Life Lesson is the breakthrough to your life. If you MASTER your Life Lesson with equanimity and grace to the best of your ability, you are granted an all-access pass to the top level of the pyramid, the penthouse suite – Your Life Purpose!

Sometimes your Life School and Life Lesson are the same, meaning your Life Lesson could be Peace, Wisdom, Love or Service.

Today, we’re going to look at the School of Wisdom as Life Lesson. If Wisdom is your school and/or Life Lesson, pay close attention. If not, just be aware that we all deal with “wisdom” issues at some point in our lives.

The School of Wisdom is about using what you know, about taking action by accessing all of your inner resources and learning through both understanding and experience.

Folks in the School of Wisdom tend to swing between two polarities. One is inaction and indecision. The other is reckless action, usually initiated to break the inertia caused by the former condition of fence-sitting.

Each Life School is related to a different part of the human experience: School of Peace (Body) = feeling safe in your body and on the planet; School of Love (Heart) = expressing what you feel fully and experiencing unconditional love; and School of Service (Spirit) = connecting to the Divine and being an expression of presence in all you do by learning to serve your Self first so that you can serve others.

The School of Wisdom is the realm of the mind but more specifically, the aspect of the mind that allows us to make decisions and then take ACTION on those decisions. The element associated with the School of Wisdom is fire. Fire represents movement, change, blazing a trail, initiation, beginnings and transformation. The goal is to get ‘out of your head’ and into motion, to move your hands and legs of fire and make your mark in the world.

The Core Fear for the School of Wisdom is the fear of making a wrong decision, hence the indecision and waffling. The upside of this fear is that folks in the School of Wisdom tend to be great analysts, engineers, lawyers, contract specialists, strategists, financiers and planners of all sorts. Any type of work that requires heavy analysis, investigation and fact checking utilizes the typical skepticism, scrutiny and sometimes-cynicism of the typical ‘Wisdom’ student.

The downside for Wisdom students can include fixation on particular Catch-22 problems that seem to have no resolution, repetitive negative-thought patterns, and relentless anxiety and agitation. Whereas folks in the School of Peace tend to deal with a more visceral, body-based panic when up against their demons, School of Wisdom folks deal in anxiety, followed by emotional shutdown and backed up by a persistent line of reasoning that may, in fact, lack a good deal of reason.

If you need someone to help you come up with a good strategy, a School of Wisdom member is usually a good candidate. And if you’re in the mood to be driven crazy by a repetitive argument that cannot be won (School of Wisdom folks specialize in mind riddles), engage a Wisdom School student.

The breakthrough for you if Wisdom is your test is learning how you make decisions and then using your own system to MAKE DECISIONS and ACT upon them.

For example, perhaps when presented with a new opportunity that requires a quick decision, you:

• Scan your body (School of Peace) for any physical symptoms or sensations;
• Then check in with your heart to see how you’re feeling (School of Love) and
• Then ask yourself, “Does this opportunity help me more fully express my Life Purpose in the world and be of Service?” (School of Service)
• Finally, review your diagrams and lists and check your facts.
• Now that you have all of this information, on the balance of things, what is your conclusion? DECIDE.
• Now take action on your decision.

Once you have made your decision, I recommend you don’t look back and just move forward. Doubting our decisions after we’ve made them is incredibly debilitating to our self-esteem and ability to stay on track.

As you begin to trust your decisions and take action with more certainty, you are going to notice what works and what doesn’t. Life isn’t about making the ‘right’ choice, but learning from the choices we do make so we can make better choices moving forward. The more you are able to commit to your decisions and put yourself at stake for something that really matters to you, the less anxiety and the more joy you will experience.

Two books I highly recommend for those on the Wisdom path are Power vs. Force by Dr. David Hawkins and Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute www.arbinger.com. Both books are lucid and compelling investigations into the sometimes-twisted workings of the mind and how the mind can be your road to emancipation or enslavement.

Bring your Life Purpose and Life Lesson questions to our NEXT Life Purpose Master Mind TeleClass on Thursday, August 19^th at 5 PM Pacific. For NEW MEMBERS ONLY, the first month is FREE and the new investment is $19.97 a month thereafter. (NOTE: For regular and returning members, on your next billing cycle, you’ll be billed at ONLY $19.97! Unbelievable!)

GO HERE to get onboard. Our BRAND NEW Life Purpose Master Mind site will be up shortly! Join the hundreds of members who are committed to living their Life Purpose FULL OUT in 2010 and BEYOND!

Sometimes your Life School, whether it be Peace, Wisdom, Love or Service, is also your Life Lesson. This data is derived from your fingerprint patterns.

What does this mean?

Well, your Life School is the foundation of your ‘magic purpose pyramid:’

Your Life School foundation is where you learn through trial and error the necessary skills to navigate the potholes, gremlins, and creepy crawlies at level two of the pyramid: Your Life Lesson. Your Life Lesson is your shadow, your nemesis, your ‘I just can’t get rid of it’ issue.

AND your Life Lesson is the breakthrough to your life. If you MASTER your Life Lesson with equanimity and grace to the best of your ability, you are granted an all-access pass to the top level of the pyramid, the penthouse suite – Your Life Purpose!

Sometimes a person’s Life School and Life Lesson are the same, meaning their Life Lesson could be Peace, Wisdom, Love or Service.

Today, we’re going to look at the School of Service AS Life Lesson. If Service is your school and/or Life Lesson, pay close attention. If not, just be aware that we are all moving toward Service. Why? Service is the alpha and the omega – Service with a Blissful Heart is WHY we are all here. Our unique Life Purposes are HOW we serve. For example, if your Life Purpose is Public Impact in the Healing Arts, THAT purpose IS how you serve.

To be a Master of Service, you must first Master Serving Your Self. Otherwise, you will begin to feel resentment. Resentment is the core challenge emotion for folks in the School of Service.

A wonderful book about the Service journey is Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. Siddhartha is one of the names for Buddha. Siddhartha gave up being a prince to become an ascetic only to then dive into the deepest depths of his own feelings, regrets, challenges, and peak experiences through pleasure. In the end, he found life by a river. He connected with nature as he connected with his own inner nature. It is a heartbreaking and beautiful story about allowing life to come to us, rather than chasing after it. For all we need is truly inside of us.

If you feel resentment, there are two things you can do to fill your cup. My dear friend, Orna Walters, describes it this way: “You are the cup and the saucer. Fill your cup to overflowing so that you always give from the saucer – never from the cup. What’s in the cup is YOURS.” One way to fill the cup is to honor your appetites for nourishing pleasure. It could be an afternoon of solitude, a visit to an art gallery, a new pair of shoes, some body work, a mini-vacation, a long vacation. What service do you need to fill up your cup? (Note: Service folks typically have five-star taste. I suggest you honor that while still honoring your spending plan, of course.)

Secondly, to keep yourself ‘serviced,’ you need to make requests for service – from others. Service folks are notoriously unskilled at this task. That’s right – ASK. Ask for more help on the committee, ask for someone to help you move your household belongings, ask someone to honor your boundary, ask for pleasure and ask for peace. ASK for all you need. But be sure to state it this way: “May I make a request?” Then make your request, gently and calmly. Watch the world begin to serve you and your resentment fall way.

Let’s face it – if you aren’t good at receiving service, what’s going to happen when you give lots and lots of it without receiving much back? That’s right – you’re going to be pissed off. That resentment taints your work in the world. If you show up to pitch in at the soup kitchen and you’re in a foul mood, this being your eighteenth commitment this week, um, don’t do anyone any favors, okay? Stay home.

As you fill your cup and make requests, you manage your resentment. You begin to feel served. This helps you cultivate a sense of gratitude and appreciation. From there, you can access a state of inner bliss. The GIFT of the served service individual is enlightenment, the great lesson of the heavens: BE HERE NOW. As you see that the Universe is supporting and servicing you, your capacity to serve others expands. As you see the Divine in your Self, you see the Divine in others.

Namaste. “I bow reverently to you.”

Bring your hand questions to our NEXT Life Purpose Master Mind TeleClass on Thursday, July 22^nd at 5 PM Pacific. For NEW MEMBERS ONLY, the first month is FREE and the new investment is $19.97 a month thereafter. (NOTE: For regular and returning members… on your next billing cycle, you’ll be billed at $19.97! Unbelievable!)

GO HERE to get onboard. Our BRAND NEW Life Purpose Master Mind site will be up shortly! Join the hundreds of members who are already committed to living their Life Purpose FULL OUT in 2010 and BEYOND!

Ah, your finger zones. Zones of revelation, zones of discovery, zones of treasure. Your finger zones reveal much more than you would ever realize just by looking at them.

You might think they are arbitrary spaces created by the placement of your finger joints. But they are so much more!

Your finger zones reveal:

• Hidden talents and hobbies

• Your “niche” in business

• Where you spend the most (and least) amount of time in your daily life

Today, let’s explore how these zones reveal your particular business niche.

First of all, make a note of these diagnostic tools:

Width of the zone indicates how much you DISPLAY the quality in question (Wide = big display; narrow = not so much.)

Length of the zone indicates how much TIME you spend there (Long zone = you spend lots of time there; short zone = not so much.)

Thickness of the zone indicates how much ENERGY you have for that part of your life (Thick = lots of energy, thin/flat = not so much.)

If you want to get really specific about this, measure each zone with a tape measure and ruler in relationship to the other zones on the same finger… or just leave it to me, the analyst! He he…

Okay, let’s dive right in:

Thumb:
Zone 1: Your Voice (also represents throat chakra) Possible careers: singer, speaker, writer, newscaster, poet, salesperson
Zone 2: Your Plan (also represents third eye/middle of forehead chakra) Possible careers: organizer, strategic planner, project manager, psychic/seer
Zone 3: Your Will (also represents crown/top of head chakra)
Possible careers: captain, CEO, star

Index Finger:
Zone 4: Your Territory/Turf
Possible careers: lobbyist, labor leader, manager
Zone 5: Your Goals
Possible careers: career coach, high achiever, flashy businessperson
Zone 6: Your Higher Vision
Possible careers: politics, advocacy, entrepreneur

Middle Finger:
Zone 7: Your Values/Ethics/Morals
Possible careers: life coach, environmentalist, landscape architect, precious metals/land investor
Zone 8: Your Money in the Bank
Possible careers: financial planner, business person, money making as part of purpose
Zone 9: Your Systems and Strategies
Possible careers: systems analyst, composer, scientist, metaphysician

Ring Finger:
Zone 10: Your Charisma Factor
Possible careers: HR expert, headhunter, socialite, charity fundraiser
Zone 11: Your Personal Design
Possible careers: jewelry/furniture/clothing/web site designer
Zone 12: Your Taste and Artist’s Eye
Possible careers: architect, painter, photographer, collage maker

Little Finger:
Zone 13: Your Sex Life
Possible careers: therapist, tantra expert, yoga instructor, modern dancer
Zone 14: Your Negotiation Abilities
Possible careers: deal maker, big business broker
Zone 15: Your Brainstorming/Storyteller
Possible careers: brainstorming/idea expert, storyteller, author, speaker, poet, singer, spiritual channeler/communicator, platform speaker/sales

Now depending on which zone is largest (longest, fullest, widest), you’re looking at an expression of your business niche. The smallest zone (shortest, flattest, thinnest) is where you struggle – good place to delegate, get help or improve.

We’ll explore the zones again in future issues, but for now, just eyeball your hand prints or actual hands and see which zones jump out as ‘big’ and which as ‘small’ relative to the other zones on the same digit. Then look at each hand in its entirety (zones are the same for each hand). Which zone - overall - seems most well-represented, least represented? Write it down.

Bring your questions to our NEXT Life Purpose Master Mind TeleClass on Thursday, May 27th at 5 PM Pacific. The first month is FREE and the new investment is $19.97 a month thereafter. (NOTE: For new and regular members… if you’ve been a member a while, on your next billing cycle, you’ll be at $19.97! Unbelievable!)

Email Cindy Gallo at support@yourpurpose.com to get onboard. Our BRAND NEW Life Purpose Master Mind site will be up shortly! Join the over 250 members who are committed to living their Life Purpose FULL OUT in 2010 and BEYOND!

Writer and Creator of “Phoebee Fleabee”

Karen Schaefer is a powerhouse that I had the good fortune of connecting with in a high-end mastermind. I instantly liked her and getting to know her better has only reinforced my initial first impression.

Recently, Karen took the leap and invested in a Life Purpose Blueprint session for herself. We were both a bit startled at the intensity of information revealed by her hands but also how her openness fully accessed my intuition. (In a reading, my psychic and intuitive abilities expand in accordance with the internal permission of the client to actually HEAR and RECEIVE what I have to tell them.)

And of course, the information in Karen’s hands completely reinforced the impressions I was receiving intuitively. Karen’s Life Purpose is “Author, Speaker and Creative Artist in the Spotlight” and her Life Lesson is to “own her power in the world!” I said to her, “Karen, YOU are a Queen Bee and you’re here to share the message that other women are Queens, too! It’s so important that you set your life up to honor your ‘ruler’ energy.”

Karen was silent. She said, “Wait until you see what I’m launching. Wow. That’s amazing.” Karen wouldn’t tell me WHAT she was launching, only that she was up to something wild, crazy and totally in alignment with her passions, her creativity and her desire to teach people to have good relationships with one another. (Karen’s Life Schools are Wisdom and Love. I combine these two schools to create the school of ‘Wise Relationships.’)

Most incredibly, Karen’s business, thebornleader.com, exemplifies what I most encourage people to do with their businesses. When you make your Life Lesson the secret spice in your business, your business expresses your Life Purpose. Karen put her lesson of owning her power into her business message and viola, perfect fit. Through her books, speeches, coaching, and businesses (she has MANY businesses!), Karen teaches others to be powerful – especially if they feel different or like an outsider. (Remember those ‘wise relationships!)

After our session, she sent me an email and here’s an excerpt (note that her new character is all about being different and celebrating that power in the world!):

“The biggest news that we have though is the launch of Phoebee Fleabee©. This is a kid’s book that I wrote 12 years ago and it features a vivacious bee with long flea legs and her stripes go the other way! Pete and I finally decided it was time to let her fly all over the world, so we created an “On Line Launch” and are giving her story away to over a million people between April 1, 2010 and June 30, 2010.

We again used Pete’s On Line Training technology to build the book, I did all the recordings and scripts for the videos to promote it and my friend Zulema de Rodriguez with AKA Talent Agency was nice enough to do all of it in Spanish for us [for our Spanish readers]. I knew the stars were aligning when the artist, Max Koch, of Bowler Hat Productions, gave me all the rights to the drawings, so it seemed as though it was meant to happen.

So, by the time you get this letter, Phoebee will have taken flight. You can get the story at www.LuvMyStripes.com and if it is in your heart please pass it along to as many people and organizations, schools, churches, etc. that you can think of so we can meet our Million-plus free give-away goal.

We are also offering the hard copy books, t-shirts, bracelets, etc. for people to buy and 25% of that will go back to the “Luv My Stripes Foundation” where we will create learning programs for kids.

While we both still enjoy running our other businesses we knew this was something we just had to do, and wow has it been an adventure.

If you know in your soul you have something that you have not yet done…

I would highly recommend it!!!”

Karen Schaefer is Founder & CEO of The Born Leader, www.thebornleader.com, a worldwide organization dedicated to Innovative, Creative and Inspired Business Leadership Training For Small Business Owners, Entrepreneurs and Visionaries.

Today’s article is the fourth installment in my Life Lessons REVEALED series. Your Life Lesson is your blind spot – and your doorway to your Life Purpose.

One of the most misunderstood Life Lessons is the guilt / lost self-worth / ‘what’s my niche?’ conundrum. I will attempt to explain how this conundrum operates. When I tell a client that ‘guilt’ is their Life Lesson, they almost always deny it – and then feel guilty afterwards.

As a technical reminder, the Life Lesson is determined from the Life Purpose Blueprint in your fingerprints. If your Life Lesson is guilt / lost self-worth / ‘what’s my niche?’, it is indicated by the fingerprint on your left middle finger.

In general, the information on your right hand indicates how you show up out in the world and the information on your left hand reveals more of your inner world and personal life.

I once coached a small group of clients that collectively shared the guilt Life Lesson (with groups, I can run the numbers and determine the group Life Purpose and group Life Lesson). Watching them operate while this lesson had them running blind was fascinating. Not only were the individuals incapable of admitting responsibility for their own outcomes, they hid behind each other to justify their failings. While it was uncomfortable to witness this level of denial, I knew that the short-term high that comes from thinking you’ve gotten away with something would soon give over to a ball and chain of guilt that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. The guilt ball and chain are heavy!

Of course, the ball can swing on that chain in the opposite direction and the guilty person starts taking responsibility for everyone and everything. Instead of focusing on their own behavior and simply taking responsibility for their own contribution – whether a positive contribution or a negative contribution – they go all out to wash away their own sense of inadequacy. The person might say, “The award-winning project was ALL my idea and hard work!” or “It’s ALL my fault the project failed!” The pendulum swing from “I’m the BEST” to “I’m the WORST” is caused by a loss of self-worth.

Lost Self-Worth

All kinds of situations can cause temporary feelings of worthlessness. A romantic break up, a job failure, family problems, and financial issues often trigger the insecurity that makes us doubt our value and worth. We are all susceptible to bouts of low self-worth. However, when this is your Life Lesson, low self-worth can feel like a chronic condition. You are constantly wondering if your work, your appearance, your skills are any good.

What’s My Niche?

This confusion about your value is what causes the “what’s my niche?” challenge for folks with this lesson. If you feel guilty about being good at anything (because that might make you seem ‘better’ than someone else), you’re going to have one hell of a time announcing your specialty in business and how you can create a transformation in the life of your clients. It’s VITAL that you take ownership of your skills and passions and practice sharing them with others.

Guilt, Guilt, Guilt

You may feel guilty for being born. One woman I knew felt guilty for giving birth to her three beautiful children. She said, “I feel so guilty I brought them into this horrible world. What kind of future will they have?” Wow. Needless to say, her best friends were Chardonnay and cigarettes. Her own low self-worth was being projected onto her innocent children.

If you doubt your value, you place your worth in the hands of others. If others approve of you, you feel good. If others disapprove of you, you feel bad, guilty, wrong. The danger with this kind of behavior is that you will feel very, very guilty when you discover that the others don’t always have your best interests at heart. Oh no, if guilt is your kryptonite, you are easily used as a pawn in the schemes of others.

You might feel guilty because you’re really good at something or you’re really beautiful or really rich. Noblesse oblige – “nobility obliges.” You feel obligated (read: guilty) that you were given more by fate than others. The actual implications of noblesse oblige is that to those who have been given much, much is expected. However, it can be taken too far… so far in fact, that you feel guilty having fun, taking time off, just simply being. If you’re working, you feel guilty you’re not at home with your family. If you’re with your family, you feel you should be at work.

Marianne Williamson has written the quintessential poem for folks suffering – unnecessarily – from guilt.

Our Deepest Fear

By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Coach’s Challenge: Make a list of 3 things you are brilliant at. Now, are you using those skills every day? How could you incorporate these three skills into your business?

Today’s article is the third installment in my Life Lessons REVEALED series.

We’re going to look at the MOTHER of all Life Lessons: Self-Worth! I would argue that this lesson is the lesson of humanity. Low self-worth is the root of nearly every sad, disrespectful thing one human being does to another or to themselves. High self-worth is the root of great innovations, honorable relationships and profound achievements.

As a technical reminder, the Life Lesson is determined from the Life Purpose Blueprint in your fingerprints. If your Life Lesson is self-worth issues, it is indicated by the fingerprint on your right middle finger.

Your middle finger, that one you might reveal to show disrespect and lack of value, represents the spine of your hand, its midpoint of strength, balance and harmony. In an ideal world, you stand in your own worth and contribute to the value of others. You are confident and inspire confidence in others.

OUTER Worth is measured by three values: money, time and energy.

INNER Worth is measured by your integrity, honor, intangible values (creativity, love, connection, etc.) and commitments.

The way we discover what it means to experience and enjoy high self-worth carries with it some specific tests.

The STUDENT path of self-worth includes the following tests which challenge your ability to value yourself and others:

• Breaking agreements and contracts: The reason for agreements and contracts is so that both parties know what they are agreeing to and can refer back to it later if any discrepancies arise. Certainly, these agreements can be re-negotiated, but that requires having sufficient self-worth to communicate that you’re not satisfied with the agreement as it stands – BEFORE you decide to break it!

  If you have low self-worth, chances are that you may avoid intimate discussions about contracts and will try to wriggle out of them using methods that only lower your self-worth further.

  For example, in my nine years as a coach, I’ve been fortunate to experience only a few instances of contract violations. However, when it does happen, it is painful to me personally for I have invested great time, energy and care into helping that client reach their goals. When they quit mid-way through or, worse, blame me for their inability to take action on their goals (or read their minds and meet their unspoken needs), it feels like a punch in the gut.

  Worse, I know the energetic debt the person is creating for themselves. I will tell you – in nearly EVERY instance – the money, time or energy you think you’ll save by BREAKING a contract will cost you about twice as much in money, time and energy moving forward. When someone breaks a contract with me and someone else asks me, “Would you work with this person?” my answer is simply, “No, and I suggest you don’t either. They can’t honor their agreements.” You’re better off paying up, owning up and moving on with a clean conscience than bailing out. Trust me on this. If you don’t, you’ll get to experience the fall out for yourself – or you already have. Was it “worth it?” I doubt it.

  Oh, a few hints about folks who do break contracts. They tend to engage in this behavior habitually. They will probably lament about a previous coach who ‘let them down’ by failing to stroke their ego or tell you about other programs they dropped out of or didn’t like. Quitters are the most proficient critics. Beware clients who nitpick and are always finding fault. It indicates their own negative self-judgment and poor self-esteem. I suggest if a potential client begins dropping these hints, do not work with them in ANY capacity. Move on and keep your own integrity intact.

  They also seem to think they are ‘special’ or the rules don’t apply to them. To add the cherry on top of this steaming pile of specialness, they will use their ‘special’ (re: victim) status to leverage you for a ‘special’ rate, a ‘special’ payment plan, a ‘special’ program, or try to get you to work for ‘free.’ Yuck. And if YOU ‘agree’ to this, you will lower your self-esteem in the process.

  In fact, in some of my coaching relationships (especially when the client’s Life Lesson is ‘self-worth’), the client’s ability to honor the contract is so challenging, THAT ‘honoring the contract’ IS THE COACHING! If they can succeed in just getting through to the end without blaming, complaining, creating drama, failing to pay or quitting, they will notice quantum leaps in other areas of their lives.

• Money issues: I realize I could write a book about this topic and barely scratch the surface! In a nutshell, money is an external measure of value. How we use our money reflects what we value.However, the amount of money you possess is NOT a measure of your internal value.Money reflects how effectively you are giving value in the world. You may have a great product, program or service, but if you’re not offering it and selling it to others, its value is not seen and felt by others.

  The ability to create money is the ability to create and then offer value to others. If you have trouble being paid what you’re worth or asking to be paid at all, you need to look at your own self-doubts and insecurities. Then ask yourself, “How will this prospective client lose out if they don’t work with me? What value and transformation can I bring to their lives?”

  I know that if someone works with me, their life will be transformed immensely. However, the path to transformation can bring up uncomfortable feelings, thoughts and memories. It can cause a person to want to retreat in fear or bail out.When you’ve “got confidence,” you honor your agreements, invest your money where your mouth/agreement is, and proceed through the discomfort without quitting.

  Ironically, this is the ONLY way to GROW your confidence. You can only GET CONFIDENCE by COMMITTING – to YOUR SELF and mirroring this commitment in your relationships with others.

• Doubt, worry and in-security: These are the Medusa-headed step-children of low self-worth. You make a decision and then second-guess it. You worry about your kids, your finances, your future. You want security but feel it comes from outside of yourself: your clothes, your looks, your finances, the esteem of others.

  Security can ONLY come from ONE place: INSIDE of you. Having FAITH in a benevolent Universe also helps. Everything in the material world is temporal and fleeting. Where does your real security reside? If you KNOW you are here on Earth for a specific Life Purpose, are you willing to put your FAITH and SECURITY in that? If not, why not?

The MASTER path of self-worth includes the following behaviors – which amplify feelings of high self-worth and esteem toward others:

• Commitment: To commit is “to do.” When you commit, you make a promise, a pledge, a vow, an assurance to YOUR Self to follow through on something. For example, I got married because I knew it would help me with commitment in other areas of my life. My husband had been married before and didn’t feel the need to get married again. He agreed to it because he knew it would help me. He said later, “I had no idea how much our marriage commitment would deepen our connection. I’m glad for both of us.”

• Integrity: Integrity is not a static state. You walk the integrity tight rope and fall off. You get back up on the rope and try again. All of us make mistakes. What keeps us in integrity is to speak our truth, apologize when we’ve messed up and keeping moving forward with our commitments. Integrity is the ongoing work of matching your insides with your outsides. Does your appearance, your lifestyle, your fitness level match how you feel on the inside? If you feel resentment toward someone, but don’t tell them immediately and clear things up, you begin to lose integrity with yourself, then with the other person. Can you make your inner emotional state congruent with your outer relationships?
  

• Valuing Your Work and Your Finances: When you value your work, it’s amazing how other people begin to value your work. When you think of your work as a service to others, the value increases further. Managing your money is also vital to your sense of self-worth and security. Looking at your numbers on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis keeps you in touch with how well you are offering value to others and if you are offering the BEST value you have to offer. When I’ve offered programs that weren’t big hits, I knew that either I didn’t present the value well initially or it wasn’t the value my clients needed or wanted. By looking at WHAT IS WORKING in my business, I can do more of that, deepen the quality, and offer MORE value.

• Implementing Good Systems: The Universe is a system! Your body is a system! Your business and your life run better with systems. Systems increase efficiency, reduce waste and clutter, and allow you to LEVERAGE your outer values of money, time and energy. The ability to leverage your money, time and energy allows you to commit more deeply and fully to your Life Purpose. If you don’t have efficient systems, find a systems expert to help you implement them.

• Time Management: Like money and energy, time is an outer measure of worth. When you show up on time, you VALUE your time and the other person’s. When you use your time wisely, you are valuing your life force. Time is the ONE resource we can never, ever reclaim. When it’s gone, it’s gone.Is your time being ‘spent’ on what you value or are you spending it on trivial, meaningless activities that neither leverage your money or energy nor deepen your commitment to your Life Purpose? The choice is yours. Are you making the strengthening decision with your use of time? Or the weakening decision? You ALWAYS have that choice in EVERY situation.

• Energy Management: Valuing yourself includes valuing your precious life force, your energy. This requires engaging in excellent self-care: sufficient rest, relaxation and movement. Do you sleep enough each night? Eat right? Drink sufficient water? You know the basics with self-care. DOING the basics, however, committing to it, that is your BEST feedback for whether or not you have high self-worth. If you overeat, skip sleep, engage in addictive behaviors, hide your truth or any other of the various methods of self-deception, you are showing yourself that you don’t matter very much. How much do YOU VALUE YOU???

Above all else, remember that high self-worth is the result of doing things that strengthen you and low self-worth is the result of doing things that weaken you. ONLY YOU can truly know and decide what things you wish to spend your money, time and energy on. ONLY YOU. Who else would know?

Coach’s Challenge: Take a quick assessment of your money, time and energy expenditures. Are they reflective of what you MOST VALUE or could you re-allocate your resources toward those people and activities you value and that give you value in return?

If YOU are curious and want to know what your Life Purpose Blueprint says about your Life Lesson, your SPECIFIC Life Purpose and a whole lot more, GO HERE NOW and Claim “YOUR Purpose” session BEFORE the price goes up!

Baeth reading in the camper, rain on the rooftop.  Unconditionally loving her alone time

I promised to continue delivering you information about your Life Lessons. Today, we’re going to look at one of the most popular ones: Emotional Authenticity.

Remember that EVERY Life Lesson has lessons for all of us.

The Life Lesson is determined from the Life Purpose Blueprint in your fingerprints.

Emotional authenticity is the ability to express what you feel appropriately, fully and in the emotional moment. The reward for emotional mastery is self-acceptance, the foundation for unconditional love of yourself and others. One of the markers of a person with high self-esteem is the ability to like one’s self and accept one’s emotions.

The STUDENT path of emotional authenticity includes the following behaviors – which don’t work, by the way, in creating self-acceptance:

• Stuffing your feelings

• Denying your feelings (This is a tough one, since you probably don’t even know your denying anything. Hence, denial.)

• Rationalizing, justifying and explaining your feelings – in other words, ‘analysis paralysis’ and thinking, thinking, thinking about feelings, feelings, feelings.

• Blaming your feelings on yourself or others. (Blame is VERY popular when we have feelings that are uncomfortable or unfamiliar. We want to ‘off load’ the discomfort onto something, either our own failings or the perceived failings of someone else.)

• Martyrdom, aka Co-Dependence. Classic “woe is me” stance. “Look at all I did for you and all I get is this crummy tee shirt???” Feeling like the beleaguered savior of the world comes from the inability to express and fulfill your own needs. Hint: NO ONE is responsible for fulfilling your needs, except your mama when you were a kid. No, smoke signals don’t count as communicating your needs.

• Gossip, backstabbing, and sabotage. This is the classic approach of clusters of emotionally challenged individuals who cannot speak their own feelings to the person that needs to hear them. A good deal of gossip is actually healthy – passing along information, gaining support from a confidante around an issue that is troubling you, laughing at the latest antics of the office comedian. But the story you tell to 10 different people to slay someone’s reputation, um, what are you afraid to say TO that person? Say it. That is emotional authenticity. And it takes COURAGE.

The MASTER path of emotional authenticity includes the following behaviors – which do work, by the way, in creating self-acceptance:

• Identifying WHAT you are feeling in the moment. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?”

• The ability to discern the difference between bodily sensations, heart-based emotions and intuitive hits. For example, your stomach grumbling could indicate you are hungry or have indigestion. It is beneficial to attend to your body’s needs. A heart-based emotion could be crying caused by the grief of losing a beloved pet. An intuitive hit could be knowing that you really MUST join that new coaching program, BECAUSE it is going to stretch you. You may feel scared shitless to act on the intuitive hit, but you trust your intuition over your fear. Now we’re talking high level emotional mastery here!

• Expressing what you are feeling in the moment – to the appropriate person at the appropriate intensity. Granted, this takes practice and lots of embarrassing moments of being too timid or too blustery. Good news? You can keep attempting emotional expression until you hit “just right.”

• Transmuting the emotion into self-acceptance When you feel calm inside, you know you have gotten the emotion out of your system. You have accepted your feelings. One way of working with this concept is to simply ALLOW your feelings to move through you. Don’t try and fix them, explain them away or tell a big long story about your horrible childhood (save that for your therapist). Just FEEL it. If you are sad, crying it out. If you are angry, write it down or take it to a punching bag. If you are joyful, find a way to celebrate.

• Identifying negative self-talk and asking yourself, “What is the feeling BENEATH this self-judgment?” Judgment ALWAYS masks your true emotions. For example, when we judge others, it is because they trigger feelings in us that are uncomfortable, such as envy, jealousy, anger, vengeance, passion, attraction, or fear.

• Recognizing that discernment is not the same as judgment. You may run across someone that you really don’t enjoy being around. You can still love them unconditionally without choosing to spend your free time with them. Discernment doesn’t have an emotional charge to it – it is a CHOICE, rather than a compulsion. Judgment comes from the compulsive need to deny your own feelings, needs and insecurities. The more you express your true feelings, the more you love yourself, and paradoxically, the less you judge others. You find compassion for their struggles, knowing that they are as challenged as you in growing into their true spirit and purpose.

• Practice forgiveness. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you are denying any wrong doing. Forgiveness is saying, “I allow you your humanity. You will experience the consequences of your choices on your own path. I attend to my own path and allow you yours.”

Coach’s Challenge: On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your current state of emotional authenticity. You may want to print out this article and rate each bullet point on a scale of 1 to 10 for additional insight. I recommend making a list of every person you have unresolved feelings with and doing something today to make it right, such as forgiving yourself for your mistakes or forgiving them for hurting you. Sometimes it helps to write a letter, even if you don’t send it. The main thing is this: Get clear with YOURSELF about what YOU FEEL. That is the first step to emotional clarity and emotional freedom. Now that is something to LOVE!

If YOU are curious and want to know what your Life Purpose Blueprint says about your Life Lesson and a whole lot more, GO HERE NOW and Claim “YOUR Purpose” session BEFORE the price goes up!

]]> http://blog.baethdavis.com/%e2%80%9canother-life-lesson-revealed-emotional-authenticity%e2%80%9d/feed/ http://blog.baethdavis.com/life-lesson-exposed-trust-surrender/ http://blog.baethdavis.com/life-lesson-exposed-trust-surrender/#comments Fri, 05 Feb 2010 10:43:22 +0000 Baeth http://blog.baethdavis.com/?p=529
You asked and I listened. I polled you on the #1 Thing that’s been holding you back from achieving your true calling and the answer is consistently: “Baeth, that’s easy! My LIFE LESSON!”

As there is so much fascination and fear about Life Lessons, I’m introducing a brand new article series on the various Life Lessons you may possess and how to harness their incredible, life-changing power for your own good. Whether you have a particular Life Lesson or not, chances are high you will relate to the opportunities and challenges the lesson presents.

The Life Lesson is determined from the Life Purpose Blueprint in your fingerprints.

In this article, we’ll explore a popular Life Lesson: “trust, surrender and intimacy issues.” It is a lesson that is often misunderstood but with great opportunities for self-discovery by its owner.

If you have trust, surrender and intimacy issues as your Life Lesson, you may experience a deep and personal connection to God, to the divine. You may feel that God, angels and spirits communicate directly to you, giving you guidance on many matters in your life. You may also find that a strong energy moves through your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You may be aware of a connection to something much larger than yourself, perhaps a connection to infinite intelligence, eternity or infinity.

You may mistrust yourself sometimes, wondering, “Am I really experiencing this?” or “Why is God telling ME all this? Can’t He tell someone else? I don’t want to know this much!” The opportunity here is to realize that you are specially designed to receive these messages and use them for your own self-development. It is important to not brag about these messages nor be silent about them either. Use them for yourself first. Through trial and error, you’ll begin to discover which messages to share and which ones to keep to yourself.

You are here to learn how to trust your inner wisdom, surrender to the guidance you receive and develop your own relationship with your authentic self. As you come to know yourself, others can come to know you. If you do not take these steps, you may find that you too easily trust others or don’t trust anyone at all. You may also be a person that others find they can’t trust, because you waffle in your decisions, certain one moment and doubting your guidance the next.

A short cut to progressing in this Life Lesson is to be EXPLICIT in sharing your inner process to the APPROPRIATE PEOPLE. Sharing your inner world with a therapist, a coach, a lover or a close friend can help you find your spiritual truth and trust it. This is authentic ’surrender’ and it takes great courage.

If you refuse to trust your inner guidance, renege on your most important decisions, fail to communicate effectively or demand that others communicate with you in a specific, overly detailed manner, you may find yourself experiencing isolation, loneliness and creative stagnation.

Here are some examples of common scenarios I’ve observed with the trust, surrender and intimacy issues Life Lesson:

·        Francesca, an executive head hunter, sends me an email. I don’t receive the email or it goes into my spam folder. She assumes I am ignoring her and doesn’t ask if I received her email. IF I ever hear from her again (usually by persistently tracking her down to find out why she isn’t taking my calls), I’m told that my communication abilities are flawed and disorganized on top of my being insensitive, thoughtless and rude. That’s the “specific, overly detailed” communication style I mentioned earlier. At this point, my attempts to explain I never saw the email fall on deaf ears. Francesca no longer trusts me, although the story of her rejection happened entirely in her own mind.

REMEMBER: Logic will be USELESS when you are in the GRIP of your Life Lesson or someone you know is in the grip of theirs. Some people go their whole life believing a story about an event that is based in nothing but illusion (the shadow side of authentic communication).

·        Joey, an inventor, visualizes a successful outcome with a creative project that he’s been imagining for years. Instead of taking action on the vision, he second-guesses his instincts and procrastinates. Time passes. Then, Joey comes across the project as envisioned and COMPLETED by someone else. Ooops. Bummer. Especially since it’s an invention that sold millions!

·        Amy, a painter, makes a powerful decision and significant financial investment to apprentice with an artist whose work she admires. After a few communication snafus (that Amy created by refusing to follow the artist’s instructions and refusing to follow up), she decides this artist is a nit-wit and wants her money back.

It doesn’t occur to Amy that she knew this was a great decision when she made it - because this more-experienced artist would hold her accountable when her Life Lesson reared its head. As much as Amy truly wants to be SEEN and known for who she really is - she will back away as the intimacy increases with her mentor. This sabotage plunges Amy into feelings of isolation and creative constipation.

Instead of reaching out to clear up the communication breakdown, she cuts off all contact and retreats back into the world she knows, rather than trusting her initial decision and surrendering to the unfolding process. Her own painting, curiously, grinds to a halt.

If you have this lesson, remember this: if you call someone, give them a few days to call you back. If they don’t, call again. Then LET GO. Assume the best - the person is away in Fiji for the month and will call you when they get back. If a month or two passes with no word, try again by writing a letter. Then let it go. Surrender.

If your best attempts at communicating YOUR inner truth are not received, you can then trust there is no intimacy happening. As they says, “He or she just isn’t that into you.” But until then, TRUST and give the other person the benefit of the doubt.  Because your trust meter needs adjusting with this Life Lesson, it’s important to let others SHOW YOU who they are - and give them the chance to do so - before writing them off. Also, if you are harboring resentment toward something you feel they ‘did to you,’ there is really only ONE QUESTION: did you explicitly communicate your inner experience in the moment, or not?

Most importantly, when you feel disconnected, isolated or mistrusting, remember YOUR SOURCE and connect back with God and infinite intelligence. That will always bring you back to the truth. You may remember that everyone is made of Divine substance and thus, everyone is doing their best, even if you wish you could control the process and timing with which life moves.

Let go. Listen. Surrender. LOVE.

If YOU are curious and want to know what your Life Purpose Blueprint says about your Life Lesson and a whole lot more, GO HERE NOW and Claim “YOUR Purpose” session:

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