Posted on Nov. 13, 2009 by Baeth in General

“The Empress Has NO Clothes! Yes, My Naked Confession.”

The Empress “Looking Back” Over 2009

Recently, one of my Phenomenal Entrepreneur Coaching Circle clients reminded me of the story of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” by Hans Christian Andersen. Two weavers promise an Emperor a new suit of clothes that are invisible to others deemed “unfit for their positions or incompetent.” As the Emperor is outfitted in his ‘invisible’ clothes by miming attendants, he hesitates to question his nakedness so he doesn’t appear unfit for his position or incompetent.

Later, when the Emperor parades before his subjects in his new clothes, a child cries out, “But he isn’t wearing anything at all!”

The key character in the story is the child who points out the naked truth while the others either refuse to see or deny the obvious.

Discovering the naked truth in my business this year has been both a revelation and, at times, a shock…

By stripping myself of my illusions, fantasies and unrealistic expectations, I have discovered some remarkable things about myself and my business that are part of my soul’s truth. This process of stripping my soul bare and admitting my nakedness and vulnerability is part of my commitment to living my Life Purpose, full out, no excuses, regardless of the expectations of others.

This commitment gifted me some of my highest highs and lowest lows this year. My intention is to share them with you as a confession, and hopefully, a revelation.

#1 All Things Pass: Endings and Beginnings

Last week, we put down our beloved dog, Sam. He was a rescue dog and had been with us for six years. He joined the family shortly after our Golden Retriever, Maggie, died at age 16. What shocked me most amidst my conflicted feelings was realizing how fleeting life is. One moment, Sam was here, the next moment he was gone. He relaxed into the vet’s loving hands, without a struggle or protest. Did he know he was going to die? I doubt it. If he did, I think he would have run away. That thought stirs the most sadness in me. He trusted us so much that he allowed us to send him on his next journey in the same way he would receive a stroke on his soft black head. He trusted us absolutely to do what was best for him.

In my business, I am re-discovering some things I love to share with my clients and releasing some things that no longer serve. Although expanding into the new direction is thrilling, I can feel the anxiety of letting go, not unlike knowing Sam was ready to leave. Being ready to change is not the same as wanting to change. Does anyone want to die? Mostly not except in those cases when the person is really ready and really done here. Are we sometimes ready to die to one part of ourselves so another can be born? The continual cycle of death and life, endings and beginnings, is eternal.

And that realization is the death of anxiety, because our consciousness is eternal and this life is merely a chapter in the unfolding life of the infinite Universe. We are part of something so much larger than we can possibly conceive. We are part of an ever-changing, ever-growing unknowable whole. It is awe inspiring.

#2 Stand Your Ground and Don’t Back Down

Our ego - the part of our brain concerned with self-preservation and separation - lives to be ‘right.’ It feeds on drama, gossip, and negativity. It loves intrigue, suspicion and craves dissatisfaction. It is a part of all of us, stronger in some than in others, but a part of all of us, for even the most enlightened must contend with the rapacious ego.

To wrestle one’s ego into submission is as simple as taking a deep breath and asking, “What is wrong in this moment?” Usually, nothing. As you bring your attention to this moment, this relationship, this breath, enlightenment just is. You are you, without a mask, defenses, posturing or the need to be right.

This year, I’ve watched my ego struggle the most when I’ve had to stand my ground to stay in integrity with myself, even if those around me disagreed. It has taken nearly all my will to turn away from those who do not support me in doing what I must to honor myself. My ego has desperately wanted their approval, approbation and forgiveness even amidst my desire to be free and true to myself. Talk about contradiction! I’ve had to discover the very fine line between honoring my integrity and my ego’s need to be right.

I can tell if I need to be right if I’m seeking approval or reassurance in my decision. I can tell if it’s my true soul’s purpose if there is no one to consult but my higher self and the legacy I wish to leave behind. I am discovering that what others say about me is none of my business. It is about them, not about me. Just as anything I might say about someone else - positively or negatively - is about me, not them. (Who else would it be about? It’s coming through my own filter of perception.) These are fine distinctions, but necessary for my self-discovery.

I have learned to stand my ground and not back down when every fiber of my being simply knows what is best - not for others, for myself. Recently, I had to do this with a friend. I do believe she is doing what she feels is right and that is her choice. I, of course, must do the same. While our choices might conflict, I trust a higher order is working to teach us exactly what it needs to teach us. For me, the lesson is “stand my ground and don’t back down.”

The fact that it is a friend whom I cherish and who can play the friendship card makes this the ultimate test for me. I am blessed to have such a good teacher. This test is helping me to be clear in EVERY relationship in my life, both personal and professional. I am currently doing a ‘boundary inventory’ and cleaning up every relationship that needs some fine-tuning.

#3 Embrace The Love That Is

Each of us instinctively loves others in the way we wish to be loved. It flows from our core values. I have a list of core values typed up and framed on my desk, last updated 4/22/03, 10 days after my wedding. It reads like this:

1. LOVE = with myself, with Mark (my husband), with others, with life

2. HEALTH = exercise, eating well, ample rest & relaxation

3. “WATER” = source of life, ease, peace, emotional authenticity & safety (water represents emotion)

4. TRIBE = friendship with family and friends

5. CONNECTION TO THE DIVINE = meditation, prayer

As I look at these values (I have a list of about 10 more that are very meaningful to me), I am reminded of what truly motivates my actions, day in and day out. I enjoy giving and receiving love. I enjoy feeling vital, energized and healthy. Water is my source of solace and I like to let the water of my emotions move through me effortlessly. My tribe are my people - my family, friends and treasured clients. My connection to the divine is the source of my inner peace and my greatest teacher.

As I have come to know myself, I have discovered that my desire for “everyone to like me” comes from being in the School of Love (the hands have four schools: peace, wisdom, love and service). If you look at my values above, there is a deep theme of “connection” running through them.

I fear the ‘loss of love’ or loss of connection - so that the experience of someone withdrawing their love from me feels like someone cutting out my heart. I ‘know’ intellectually that I am the source of my own love, but when someone disconnects, I feel I am somehow less than and must win that approval back to be okay. If this isn’t your lesson, you know as you read this. If it IS your test, you also know - deep in your heart.

This year, I’ve been both the receiver and giver of disconnection - sometimes with the same person! Funny that. It has broken me wide open and laid me flat. I am better for it because I am discovering that there is great love all around me. While I’m busy wasting time trying to regain what is lost, done, complete, the love that IS is just waiting for me, there for the asking.

Which begs the question - if I’m longing after love lost, then maybe I’m really afraid of the intimacy that comes with true connection? Ah, why? Because if I REALLY love someone all the way - and something happens - I fear total emotional devastation. So better to be distracted by a faulty connection than to plug in full force to the connection that will transcend my own ego. I confess - I am willing to fully plug in and be seen and known and see and know others.

Alright already! That’s enough confession for today! I figure things out by writing about them (and talking about them, too!). I’ll be back next week with some more… Please share your thoughts - and your confessions here - if you dare! - by clicking on the comment icon on this page.