Today’s article is the fourth installment in my Life Lessons REVEALED series. Your Life Lesson is your blind spot – and your doorway to your Life Purpose.

One of the most misunderstood Life Lessons is the guilt / lost self-worth / ‘what’s my niche?’ conundrum. I will attempt to explain how this conundrum operates. When I tell a client that ‘guilt’ is their Life Lesson, they almost always deny it – and then feel guilty afterwards.

As a technical reminder, the Life Lesson is determined from the Life Purpose Blueprint in your fingerprints. If your Life Lesson is guilt / lost self-worth / ‘what’s my niche?’, it is indicated by the fingerprint on your left middle finger.

In general, the information on your right hand indicates how you show up out in the world and the information on your left hand reveals more of your inner world and personal life.

I once coached a small group of clients that collectively shared the guilt Life Lesson (with groups, I can run the numbers and determine the group Life Purpose and group Life Lesson). Watching them operate while this lesson had them running blind was fascinating. Not only were the individuals incapable of admitting responsibility for their own outcomes, they hid behind each other to justify their failings. While it was uncomfortable to witness this level of denial, I knew that the short-term high that comes from thinking you’ve gotten away with something would soon give over to a ball and chain of guilt that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. The guilt ball and chain are heavy!

Of course, the ball can swing on that chain in the opposite direction and the guilty person starts taking responsibility for everyone and everything. Instead of focusing on their own behavior and simply taking responsibility for their own contribution – whether a positive contribution or a negative contribution – they go all out to wash away their own sense of inadequacy. The person might say, “The award-winning project was ALL my idea and hard work!” or “It’s ALL my fault the project failed!” The pendulum swing from “I’m the BEST” to “I’m the WORST” is caused by a loss of self-worth.

Lost Self-Worth

All kinds of situations can cause temporary feelings of worthlessness. A romantic break up, a job failure, family problems, and financial issues often trigger the insecurity that makes us doubt our value and worth. We are all susceptible to bouts of low self-worth. However, when this is your Life Lesson, low self-worth can feel like a chronic condition. You are constantly wondering if your work, your appearance, your skills are any good.

What’s My Niche?

This confusion about your value is what causes the “what’s my niche?” challenge for folks with this lesson. If you feel guilty about being good at anything (because that might make you seem ‘better’ than someone else), you’re going to have one hell of a time announcing your specialty in business and how you can create a transformation in the life of your clients. It’s VITAL that you take ownership of your skills and passions and practice sharing them with others.

Guilt, Guilt, Guilt

You may feel guilty for being born. One woman I knew felt guilty for giving birth to her three beautiful children. She said, “I feel so guilty I brought them into this horrible world. What kind of future will they have?” Wow. Needless to say, her best friends were Chardonnay and cigarettes. Her own low self-worth was being projected onto her innocent children.

If you doubt your value, you place your worth in the hands of others. If others approve of you, you feel good. If others disapprove of you, you feel bad, guilty, wrong. The danger with this kind of behavior is that you will feel very, very guilty when you discover that the others don’t always have your best interests at heart. Oh no, if guilt is your kryptonite, you are easily used as a pawn in the schemes of others.

You might feel guilty because you’re really good at something or you’re really beautiful or really rich. Noblesse oblige – “nobility obliges.” You feel obligated (read: guilty) that you were given more by fate than others. The actual implications of noblesse oblige is that to those who have been given much, much is expected. However, it can be taken too far… so far in fact, that you feel guilty having fun, taking time off, just simply being. If you’re working, you feel guilty you’re not at home with your family. If you’re with your family, you feel you should be at work.

Marianne Williamson has written the quintessential poem for folks suffering – unnecessarily – from guilt.

Our Deepest Fear

By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Coach’s Challenge: Make a list of 3 things you are brilliant at. Now, are you using those skills every day? How could you incorporate these three skills into your business?