“Another Life Lesson REVEALED: Emotional Authenticity”

Posted on Feb. 12, 2010 by Baeth in General

Baeth reading in the camper, rain on the rooftop.  Unconditionally loving her alone time

I promised to continue delivering you information about your Life Lessons. Today, we’re going to look at one of the most popular ones: Emotional Authenticity.

Remember that EVERY Life Lesson has lessons for all of us.

The Life Lesson is determined from the Life Purpose Blueprint in your fingerprints.

Emotional authenticity is the ability to express what you feel appropriately, fully and in the emotional moment. The reward for emotional mastery is self-acceptance, the foundation for unconditional love of yourself and others. One of the markers of a person with high self-esteem is the ability to like one’s self and accept one’s emotions.

The STUDENT path of emotional authenticity includes the following behaviors – which don’t work, by the way, in creating self-acceptance:

• Stuffing your feelings

• Denying your feelings (This is a tough one, since you probably don’t even know your denying anything. Hence, denial.)

• Rationalizing, justifying and explaining your feelings – in other words, ‘analysis paralysis’ and thinking, thinking, thinking about feelings, feelings, feelings.

• Blaming your feelings on yourself or others. (Blame is VERY popular when we have feelings that are uncomfortable or unfamiliar. We want to ‘off load’ the discomfort onto something, either our own failings or the perceived failings of someone else.)

• Martyrdom, aka Co-Dependence. Classic “woe is me” stance. “Look at all I did for you and all I get is this crummy tee shirt???” Feeling like the beleaguered savior of the world comes from the inability to express and fulfill your own needs. Hint: NO ONE is responsible for fulfilling your needs, except your mama when you were a kid. No, smoke signals don’t count as communicating your needs.

• Gossip, backstabbing, and sabotage. This is the classic approach of clusters of emotionally challenged individuals who cannot speak their own feelings to the person that needs to hear them. A good deal of gossip is actually healthy – passing along information, gaining support from a confidante around an issue that is troubling you, laughing at the latest antics of the office comedian. But the story you tell to 10 different people to slay someone’s reputation, um, what are you afraid to say TO that person? Say it. That is emotional authenticity. And it takes COURAGE.

The MASTER path of emotional authenticity includes the following behaviors – which do work, by the way, in creating self-acceptance:

• Identifying WHAT you are feeling in the moment. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?”

• The ability to discern the difference between bodily sensations, heart-based emotions and intuitive hits. For example, your stomach grumbling could indicate you are hungry or have indigestion. It is beneficial to attend to your body’s needs. A heart-based emotion could be crying caused by the grief of losing a beloved pet. An intuitive hit could be knowing that you really MUST join that new coaching program, BECAUSE it is going to stretch you. You may feel scared shitless to act on the intuitive hit, but you trust your intuition over your fear. Now we’re talking high level emotional mastery here!

• Expressing what you are feeling in the moment – to the appropriate person at the appropriate intensity. Granted, this takes practice and lots of embarrassing moments of being too timid or too blustery. Good news? You can keep attempting emotional expression until you hit “just right.”

• Transmuting the emotion into self-acceptance When you feel calm inside, you know you have gotten the emotion out of your system. You have accepted your feelings. One way of working with this concept is to simply ALLOW your feelings to move through you. Don’t try and fix them, explain them away or tell a big long story about your horrible childhood (save that for your therapist). Just FEEL it. If you are sad, crying it out. If you are angry, write it down or take it to a punching bag. If you are joyful, find a way to celebrate.

• Identifying negative self-talk and asking yourself, “What is the feeling BENEATH this self-judgment?” Judgment ALWAYS masks your true emotions. For example, when we judge others, it is because they trigger feelings in us that are uncomfortable, such as envy, jealousy, anger, vengeance, passion, attraction, or fear.

• Recognizing that discernment is not the same as judgment. You may run across someone that you really don’t enjoy being around. You can still love them unconditionally without choosing to spend your free time with them. Discernment doesn’t have an emotional charge to it – it is a CHOICE, rather than a compulsion. Judgment comes from the compulsive need to deny your own feelings, needs and insecurities. The more you express your true feelings, the more you love yourself, and paradoxically, the less you judge others. You find compassion for their struggles, knowing that they are as challenged as you in growing into their true spirit and purpose.

• Practice forgiveness. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you are denying any wrong doing. Forgiveness is saying, “I allow you your humanity. You will experience the consequences of your choices on your own path. I attend to my own path and allow you yours.”

Coach’s Challenge: On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your current state of emotional authenticity. You may want to print out this article and rate each bullet point on a scale of 1 to 10 for additional insight. I recommend making a list of every person you have unresolved feelings with and doing something today to make it right, such as forgiving yourself for your mistakes or forgiving them for hurting you. Sometimes it helps to write a letter, even if you don’t send it. The main thing is this: Get clear with YOURSELF about what YOU FEEL. That is the first step to emotional clarity and emotional freedom. Now that is something to LOVE!

If YOU are curious and want to know what your Life Purpose Blueprint says about your Life Lesson and a whole lot more, GO HERE NOW and Claim “YOUR Purpose” session BEFORE the price goes up!