“Another Life Lesson REVEALED:  Got Confidence?”

Posted on Feb. 19, 2010 by Baeth in General

Future’s So Bright… Where Are My Shades???

Today’s article is the third installment in my Life Lessons REVEALED series.

We’re going to look at the MOTHER of all Life Lessons: Self-Worth! I would argue that this lesson is the lesson of humanity. Low self-worth is the root of nearly every sad, disrespectful thing one human being does to another or to themselves. High self-worth is the root of great innovations, honorable relationships and profound achievements.

As a technical reminder, the Life Lesson is determined from the Life Purpose Blueprint in your fingerprints. If your Life Lesson is self-worth issues, it is indicated by the fingerprint on your right middle finger.

Your middle finger, that one you might reveal to show disrespect and lack of value, represents the spine of your hand, its midpoint of strength, balance and harmony. In an ideal world, you stand in your own worth and contribute to the value of others. You are confident and inspire confidence in others.

OUTER Worth is measured by three values: money, time and energy.

INNER Worth is measured by your integrity, honor, intangible values (creativity, love, connection, etc.) and commitments.

The way we discover what it means to experience and enjoy high self-worth carries with it some specific tests.

The STUDENT path of self-worth includes the following tests which challenge your ability to value yourself and others:

• Breaking agreements and contracts: The reason for agreements and contracts is so that both parties know what they are agreeing to and can refer back to it later if any discrepancies arise. Certainly, these agreements can be re-negotiated, but that requires having sufficient self-worth to communicate that you’re not satisfied with the agreement as it stands – BEFORE you decide to break it!

  If you have low self-worth, chances are that you may avoid intimate discussions about contracts and will try to wriggle out of them using methods that only lower your self-worth further.

  For example, in my nine years as a coach, I’ve been fortunate to experience only a few instances of contract violations. However, when it does happen, it is painful to me personally for I have invested great time, energy and care into helping that client reach their goals. When they quit mid-way through or, worse, blame me for their inability to take action on their goals (or read their minds and meet their unspoken needs), it feels like a punch in the gut.

  Worse, I know the energetic debt the person is creating for themselves. I will tell you – in nearly EVERY instance – the money, time or energy you think you’ll save by BREAKING a contract will cost you about twice as much in money, time and energy moving forward. When someone breaks a contract with me and someone else asks me, “Would you work with this person?” my answer is simply, “No, and I suggest you don’t either. They can’t honor their agreements.” You’re better off paying up, owning up and moving on with a clean conscience than bailing out. Trust me on this. If you don’t, you’ll get to experience the fall out for yourself – or you already have. Was it “worth it?” I doubt it.

  Oh, a few hints about folks who do break contracts. They tend to engage in this behavior habitually. They will probably lament about a previous coach who ‘let them down’ by failing to stroke their ego or tell you about other programs they dropped out of or didn’t like. Quitters are the most proficient critics. Beware clients who nitpick and are always finding fault. It indicates their own negative self-judgment and poor self-esteem. I suggest if a potential client begins dropping these hints, do not work with them in ANY capacity. Move on and keep your own integrity intact.

  They also seem to think they are ‘special’ or the rules don’t apply to them. To add the cherry on top of this steaming pile of specialness, they will use their ‘special’ (re: victim) status to leverage you for a ‘special’ rate, a ‘special’ payment plan, a ‘special’ program, or try to get you to work for ‘free.’ Yuck. And if YOU ‘agree’ to this, you will lower your self-esteem in the process.

  In fact, in some of my coaching relationships (especially when the client’s Life Lesson is ‘self-worth’), the client’s ability to honor the contract is so challenging, THAT ‘honoring the contract’ IS THE COACHING! If they can succeed in just getting through to the end without blaming, complaining, creating drama, failing to pay or quitting, they will notice quantum leaps in other areas of their lives.

• Money issues: I realize I could write a book about this topic and barely scratch the surface! In a nutshell, money is an external measure of value. How we use our money reflects what we value.However, the amount of money you possess is NOT a measure of your internal value.Money reflects how effectively you are giving value in the world. You may have a great product, program or service, but if you’re not offering it and selling it to others, its value is not seen and felt by others.

  The ability to create money is the ability to create and then offer value to others. If you have trouble being paid what you’re worth or asking to be paid at all, you need to look at your own self-doubts and insecurities. Then ask yourself, “How will this prospective client lose out if they don’t work with me? What value and transformation can I bring to their lives?”

  I know that if someone works with me, their life will be transformed immensely. However, the path to transformation can bring up uncomfortable feelings, thoughts and memories. It can cause a person to want to retreat in fear or bail out.When you’ve “got confidence,” you honor your agreements, invest your money where your mouth/agreement is, and proceed through the discomfort without quitting.

  Ironically, this is the ONLY way to GROW your confidence. You can only GET CONFIDENCE by COMMITTING – to YOUR SELF and mirroring this commitment in your relationships with others.

• Doubt, worry and in-security: These are the Medusa-headed step-children of low self-worth. You make a decision and then second-guess it. You worry about your kids, your finances, your future. You want security but feel it comes from outside of yourself: your clothes, your looks, your finances, the esteem of others.

  Security can ONLY come from ONE place: INSIDE of you. Having FAITH in a benevolent Universe also helps. Everything in the material world is temporal and fleeting. Where does your real security reside? If you KNOW you are here on Earth for a specific Life Purpose, are you willing to put your FAITH and SECURITY in that? If not, why not?

The MASTER path of self-worth includes the following behaviors – which amplify feelings of high self-worth and esteem toward others:

• Commitment: To commit is “to do.” When you commit, you make a promise, a pledge, a vow, an assurance to YOUR Self to follow through on something. For example, I got married because I knew it would help me with commitment in other areas of my life. My husband had been married before and didn’t feel the need to get married again. He agreed to it because he knew it would help me. He said later, “I had no idea how much our marriage commitment would deepen our connection. I’m glad for both of us.”

• Integrity: Integrity is not a static state. You walk the integrity tight rope and fall off. You get back up on the rope and try again. All of us make mistakes. What keeps us in integrity is to speak our truth, apologize when we’ve messed up and keeping moving forward with our commitments. Integrity is the ongoing work of matching your insides with your outsides. Does your appearance, your lifestyle, your fitness level match how you feel on the inside? If you feel resentment toward someone, but don’t tell them immediately and clear things up, you begin to lose integrity with yourself, then with the other person. Can you make your inner emotional state congruent with your outer relationships?
  

• Valuing Your Work and Your Finances: When you value your work, it’s amazing how other people begin to value your work. When you think of your work as a service to others, the value increases further. Managing your money is also vital to your sense of self-worth and security. Looking at your numbers on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis keeps you in touch with how well you are offering value to others and if you are offering the BEST value you have to offer. When I’ve offered programs that weren’t big hits, I knew that either I didn’t present the value well initially or it wasn’t the value my clients needed or wanted. By looking at WHAT IS WORKING in my business, I can do more of that, deepen the quality, and offer MORE value.

• Implementing Good Systems: The Universe is a system! Your body is a system! Your business and your life run better with systems. Systems increase efficiency, reduce waste and clutter, and allow you to LEVERAGE your outer values of money, time and energy. The ability to leverage your money, time and energy allows you to commit more deeply and fully to your Life Purpose. If you don’t have efficient systems, find a systems expert to help you implement them.

• Time Management: Like money and energy, time is an outer measure of worth. When you show up on time, you VALUE your time and the other person’s. When you use your time wisely, you are valuing your life force. Time is the ONE resource we can never, ever reclaim. When it’s gone, it’s gone.Is your time being ‘spent’ on what you value or are you spending it on trivial, meaningless activities that neither leverage your money or energy nor deepen your commitment to your Life Purpose? The choice is yours. Are you making the strengthening decision with your use of time? Or the weakening decision? You ALWAYS have that choice in EVERY situation.

• Energy Management: Valuing yourself includes valuing your precious life force, your energy. This requires engaging in excellent self-care: sufficient rest, relaxation and movement. Do you sleep enough each night? Eat right? Drink sufficient water? You know the basics with self-care. DOING the basics, however, committing to it, that is your BEST feedback for whether or not you have high self-worth. If you overeat, skip sleep, engage in addictive behaviors, hide your truth or any other of the various methods of self-deception, you are showing yourself that you don’t matter very much. How much do YOU VALUE YOU???

Above all else, remember that high self-worth is the result of doing things that strengthen you and low self-worth is the result of doing things that weaken you. ONLY YOU can truly know and decide what things you wish to spend your money, time and energy on. ONLY YOU. Who else would know?

Coach’s Challenge: Take a quick assessment of your money, time and energy expenditures. Are they reflective of what you MOST VALUE or could you re-allocate your resources toward those people and activities you value and that give you value in return?

If YOU are curious and want to know what your Life Purpose Blueprint says about your Life Lesson, your SPECIFIC Life Purpose and a whole lot more, GO HERE NOW and Claim “YOUR Purpose” session BEFORE the price goes up!